20 takes I'm not softening

The takes

1. 01Dating

   Chemistry isn't compatibility

   Chemistry shows up in the first hour. Compatibility takes about 4 months to show you anything. If you're grading someone on the first one, you're missing most of the information.

2. 02Dating

   He's not confused. He's comfortable.

   Confused men still book the flight. They still text the person they actually want at 11pm. If he can't decide about you after 3 months, he's decided. He just wants you to be the one who says it, so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.

3. 03Money

   Men pay on date 1

   He plans it and he pays for it. She should offer, and he should say no. On date 2 she reaches for the check, and he can let her. If first dates are bankrupting you, you're asking too many people to dinner and not enough to coffee.

4. 04Dating

   Your "type" is just your pattern with better lighting

   Nobody says their type is emotionally unavailable, between jobs, and still texting their ex. And yet. If your last 4 all ended the same way, stop blaming the city and look at who you keep saying yes to.

5. 05Apps

   Guys, your best photo is the one a woman took

   Your friends take the photo of you holding a fish. Your sister takes the one of you laughing, in good light, in a shirt that fits. Ask her. She's been dying to fix your profile for years.

6. 06Texting

   If he texts all day and never books a Friday, you're his entertainment

   Texting costs him nothing. A Friday night costs him something. Quick test: has he ever named a specific day? If he hasn't, you already know.

7. 07Apps

   The 6 foot rule is costing you the best relationship of your life

   Every woman with a height minimum thinks she's being picky about attraction. She's being picky about a number a man typed into an app, and he probably rounded up. Of everything people filter for, height tells you the least about how someone will treat you.

8. 08Texting

   If you liked her, text her from the car

   The 3 day rule is dead. Waiting to look cool mostly makes you look unsure, and by day 2 she's already decided what the silence means. Send one text before you pull out of the parking lot. Keep it short and mention something from the date.

9. 09Apps

   Your standards aren't too high. They're in the wrong order.

   Most people check the face and the job title in 4 seconds, then find out about kindness, money habits, and how someone talks about their mom around month 7. Flip that. Go easy on the surface stuff and be ruthless about character.

10. 10Dating

    Being the hottest person in the room makes you worse at dating

    When you get picked all the time, you never learn how to pick. You get really good at being wanted, which is a different skill from knowing what you want, and it tends to catch up with you around 29. I say this as the hot girl.

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11. 11Dating

    If you're always the funny friend and never the date, the jokes are how you avoid asking

    Making her laugh is great. Making her laugh for 6 months without asking her out is a very charming way to never hear no. Ask her this week. If it's a no, at least you can stop wondering.

12. 12Dating

    A situationship is a decision you keep making

    You know what this is. You're hoping it turns into the thing they already told you it won't be. Say the word "exclusive" out loud one time and see how fast you get an answer.

13. 13Dating

    Rude to the server, and the date is over

    How someone treats a person who can't do anything for them is how they'll treat you once they get comfortable. You don't need a second data point. Get the check, go home, and enjoy the rest of your night.

14. 14Dating

    A man who can't cook is a man who expects to be cooked for

    Nobody's asking for a chef. But if you're 30 and dinner only happens when a girlfriend or a delivery app makes it, fix that. Learn 3 meals you can make for someone else. Cooking for her on date 3 beats almost any restaurant.

15. 15Dating

    Therapy speak has become the polite way to be a bad partner

    Sometimes "I don't have the capacity right now" is true and important. Sometimes it means "I don't want to" in a nicer voice. A real boundary is about what you'll do. If it's a list of things the other person has to stop doing, that's a demand.

16. 16Dating

    You know by date 3

    You don't know if you're marrying them. You do know if you want a 4th date. Three dates is plenty to go on, and the months people spend "giving it a chance" usually go to arguing with something they noticed on the first one.

17. 17Marriage

    Love isn't enough

    Plenty of people love each other and still shouldn't share a lease. The better question is whether you both want the same boring Tuesday for the next 30 years. That matters way more than how you feel on a good Saturday.

18. 18Marriage

    Marriage isn't 50/50

    Some months you carry 90. Some months you're the one being carried, and nobody keeps receipts. If you're keeping score to make sure you never give more than you get, that's a roommate agreement.

19. 19Money

    Get the prenup

    You get to make the big decisions together while you still like each other, instead of a judge making them for you in the worst year of your life. It's paperwork, and it's a lot cheaper than a divorce lawyer. Also, pay attention to who fights the idea hardest.

20. 20Marriage

    Go to bed angry

    "Never go to bed angry" has kept more couples up fighting at 1am than any other advice out there. Nothing gets fixed at 1am. Go to sleep and pick it back up at 9, after you've both had coffee.